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Thursday, July 27, 2006
Well....months again since I last posted on here...sorry guys. A lot has happened...almost too much to tell. Most of you talk to me, so I dont have to tell you what's been goin on since Memorial Day...haha.
Well...tonight's post wont be so happy, or full of awesome stuff....it's gonna be a vent tonight...so if you dont wanna read my venting, dont read past here.
It's weird how history repeats itself...and I can totally recognize it now that I know what it is. Some is good....some is bad...tonight is about the bad. I hate it when I let myself fall back into the traps that I once fought when I was first learning the ropes to be who I am now. It almost makes me sick that I find it hard to get out of the feelings again...maybe cause it's been so long. I don't know...I always feel like I'm well on my way, eye on the prize, nothing could go wrong...THEN!!!...at the last stretch...something trips me, and I make that horrible tumble, letting everyone else pass me by, only to finish near the end.
I know that I can jump over the obstacle....even run around it if I have to...but for some reason I just dont...I see it, think about dodging it, then just shrug and take the plunge...the plunge to lose. I know what you're all saying..."That really sucks.", and yes...it does really suck. I don't know what's wrong with me...and I definatly dont know why I cant do what I know I need to, to just miss the obstacle all together, let alone catch myself from falling if I do hit a snare. Nope...I just go right down into the dirt, getting scraped and cut, only to realize the humiliation of defeat again, and again....and again.
I also tell myself to just forget about it...cause number one it's drama that I dont need...number two, Im leaving on my mission soon, so who cares?! Number three, eternal perspective is the key....but that is where this may have a connection....but not for a LOOOONG while. All I have to do is get myself over it...and realize Im just being stupid...and I'll be cool.
Alright...enough ranting, Im out...........................................peace.......................................
Well...tonight's post wont be so happy, or full of awesome stuff....it's gonna be a vent tonight...so if you dont wanna read my venting, dont read past here.
It's weird how history repeats itself...and I can totally recognize it now that I know what it is. Some is good....some is bad...tonight is about the bad. I hate it when I let myself fall back into the traps that I once fought when I was first learning the ropes to be who I am now. It almost makes me sick that I find it hard to get out of the feelings again...maybe cause it's been so long. I don't know...I always feel like I'm well on my way, eye on the prize, nothing could go wrong...THEN!!!...at the last stretch...something trips me, and I make that horrible tumble, letting everyone else pass me by, only to finish near the end.
I know that I can jump over the obstacle....even run around it if I have to...but for some reason I just dont...I see it, think about dodging it, then just shrug and take the plunge...the plunge to lose. I know what you're all saying..."That really sucks.", and yes...it does really suck. I don't know what's wrong with me...and I definatly dont know why I cant do what I know I need to, to just miss the obstacle all together, let alone catch myself from falling if I do hit a snare. Nope...I just go right down into the dirt, getting scraped and cut, only to realize the humiliation of defeat again, and again....and again.
I also tell myself to just forget about it...cause number one it's drama that I dont need...number two, Im leaving on my mission soon, so who cares?! Number three, eternal perspective is the key....but that is where this may have a connection....but not for a LOOOONG while. All I have to do is get myself over it...and realize Im just being stupid...and I'll be cool.
Alright...enough ranting, Im out...........................................peace.......................................
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